The One Year Anniversary

Today marks the anniversary of the saddest event I have dealt with to date.  I lost my Mom one year ago today.  I have cried every single day this past year.  My heart aches as much today over her loss, as it did a year ago.  Granted, it's not as constant and intense, but it is always there near the surface.

I had no idea that the slightest thought/place/word/memory would trigger a flash flood coming from my eyes.  It doesn't matter where I am.  Songs are the biggest trigger, and my brothers and I chose some fantastic songs for her funeral (Over the Rainbow, Forever Young, I Hope You Dance, Dancin' Queen, The Good Stuff, Time to Say Goodbye, I Have a Dream).  Every single time I hear one, I lose it.

This is the last pic I took of her.  It is crappy quality,  horrible lighting, was taken with a point and shoot, and when I look at it, I see that her spirit had already begun to move on to the next life.  Her color lacked her trademark vibrance, and the fun that she always projected in life, was gone.

How I yearn for just one more minute with her.  Even though I told her hundreds of times how much I loved her and got to say my good-byes, I would say it again with 1000 times more heartfelt love.  I would remember every detail of her response, and I would cherish it as one of my most prized life experiences . . . because now I know what it's like to live without her.

My Wonderful Mom with My Boo on August 2nd, 2010

Oh wait, here come the tears again.  This is the 11th freakin' time I have cried today (I keep adding to that number as I write), and it's only 11:00 in the morning!!!  I have so many tear stains on my glasses, that I can hardly see out of them!!!! LOL w/ tears streaming down my face.

Maybe I should go lock myself in a closet for the day?  Thank God you all can't see my blubbering right now - it is not pretty :)  My kids keep looking at me like I have lost it - I guess you could say that is partially true.  I lost my Best Friend, and more importantly I lost my Mom.

One more thing, TAKE LOTS OF PICTURES.  They are your visual link to everything that was, and they are priceless.  I couldn't make myself take pics while she was with us for her last month of life.  I was too sad and overwhelmed by what was coming.  I regret it with everything that I am.

Uh-Oh . . . sobbing really hard this time, gotta go :)